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Kensington Karate: Parent Roles & Rolls!

3/29/2014

2 Comments

 
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Five Kensington Karate teen students joined me in visiting a Jiu Jitsu/Grappling tournament at City College today.  We watched six-year-olds and sixteen-year-olds alike, rolling on the mat like two snakes in a life and death struggle.  Nearly three hours of matches later, it occurred to me that we did not see a single student over-celebrating a victory, nor a single student showing poor sportsmanship,  no coaches yelling, no parents screaming, no arrogance or negative attitudes- I could go on.  It reminded me why I chose to train in a traditional martial art for 35 years now, why I continue to teach, and why it is such a valuable activity for children.  

I was particularly impressed with the parents who were watching, keeping a distance, letting the coaches and referees do their work, and being positive and supportive.  I see the same thing at our annual Karate Heroes Tournament and Demonstration.  Role-modeling respect for the officials, and guiding their youngsters to accept both victory and defeat with grace and sportsmanship.  It is, at times, an effort to do so.  How tempting is it to blame a poor score on the officials, or to insist that a competitor was "robbed"?  Done in the name of not having the student's feelings hurt, it has a harmful long-term effect.    Overcoming that temptation allows a child to come to grips with competition, losing, winning, and luck.  It makes for a more resilient child, who is able to deal with failures, bounce back from defeats, and enjoy the moments of victory with some perspective.  

Sometimes, a karate parent's role is to volunteer for an event, lead a committee, encourage students when they hit a bump, or just to ask to see their most recent karate move.  Sometimes, a karate parent's role is to sit back and watch their child roll around on the mat.  Sometimes, a parent's role is to not sign in for their child, not move their shoes under the benches, not tie their belt for them, and not remind them to bow in.  And yes, the student is probably going to get yelled at.  And yes... that's a good thing for them.



2 Comments
christy eros
3/29/2014 11:48:12 pm

Excellent discussion. Children need to learn from their failures. At times, we are so afraid to make a mistake and let our children down , that we often don't let them grow up. Colleges and even the work force is experiencing the repercussions of our parental coddling. They are finding these young adults less able to handle tough situations and less creative. In my practice I see more young people suffering from Anxiety and Depression than before. I am not saying parenting is the only cause, but it does contribute. As parents, it hurts us to see our kids in pain , emotional and physical. But as Wendy Mongel encouages, we must let them learn when they skin their knees. I, personally, would like to see things like goodies bags for all and trophies or attendance disappear. The karate philosophy has helped my children to be strong and at the same time compassionate. So far so good.

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Rebecca Scott link
1/24/2015 01:53:43 am

True words of wisdom!

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    Author

    Andreas Eros has 30+ years of Shotokan Karate teaching experience, has been a Physical Education Specialist at Warren-Walker School  in addition to roles in admin., is Director of The School of Young Entrepreneurs, and holds a Masters Degree in Exercise Physiology from SDSU.  He has three adult children- Diego, Sasha, and Lily.  

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